Defensiveness Is Killing Your Relationships – How To Recognize It and What To Do About It

Very helpful.

Leading with Trust

DefensivenessYour defensiveness is killing your relationships and you don’t even realize it.

What? Me being defensive? I’m not defensive! YOU’RE the one that’s always defensive!

That’s a classic defensive response to a piece of feedback. Throw up a wall, rebut the statement, and accuse the other person of the same complaint. The sad thing is many of us react defensively without even thinking about it. In her book, A Mind of Its Own: How Your Brain Distorts and Deceives, Cordelia Fine points out that we think other people’s bad behavior toward us is intentional, but we dismiss our own bad behavior as inadvertent, a mistake, or unavoidable due to circumstances out of our control. This allows us to feel morally superior to the other person while simultaneously protecting our ego from the possibility that we may actually be incompetent or acting like a jerk.

The Causes of Defensiveness

People react…

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Watch “M16 Full Auto Fun” on YouTube

M16 Full Auto Fun:

Worth of Life

The Truth Ache

imagesMoments before I left for my Disney vacation this year, I was pulled aside by my boss and told that during my vacation I needed to either come up with a plan for personal improvement or not come back.  This was an unexpected attack, although par for the course considering the personality of both the man and the company.  It was delivered to me in a way that can only be described as disrespectful, and the conversation was related to my co-workers the moment that I left.

I am a person who has literally learned to not care about my work and the people I work with.  Through personal experience I have been taught that games are played, loyalty is a figment of my imagination, and I truly will never be the ideal employee. In the back of my mind I always remember that work isn’t supposed to be fun…

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The Man Cave

Quarter Life Confessions

ea1916be3daf1f50b0c88731be1ac6acAs a woman, if you have ever been in a relationship you have invariably had to deal with the Man Cave scenario. When a man is stressed or burdened with feelings he cannot immediately process, he finds himself wanting to run. Run far away. Most of the time he cant just pack up his life and go. So he retreats into his mind, throws himself into work or vigorously focuses on his most prized hobby. He seems distant and cold towards you, and you cant help but wonder- Did I do something wrong?

If you have ever read Johan Gray’s book; “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus;” you will be familiar with the Man Cave scenario. Gray refers to men as Martians and Women as Venusians. He states that men go into this metaphorical Man Cave from time to time; because unlike us women, who have the…

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Help for Blabbermouths

in praise of feet

what’s the point of perspective

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